Healing
by Yes Both Ways
Summary: A first time story set after the events in 'The Quest', where a physical relationship evolves in the healing of trauma.


**Healing **by Yes Both Ways

_This story takes place right after the events in The Quest. _

They left the company of the Amazons. Gabrielle came up onto Argo without hesitation, putting her arms around Xena. She held to her even when the riding was easy and gentle.

They drew away and rode through evening, finding their way to a river and following it. They pressed on into the night, without a word spoken. Strong moonlight, amplified by its reflection on the water, lit their way.

Neither of them seemed to tire, and Gabrielle wondered if they might continue on far into the night without a word spoken. She had strayed away from the thought when at last, Xena stopped.

They had dipped down into a valley, and there was an alcove in the rock wall nearby that would make the perfect place to camp.

"There's enough of a moon," Xena said, "We can have a bath." Gabrielle dug in the bags to retrieve the soap and sponge, as Xena freed Argo, who blew at her with a tender nudge and received many soft words and pets in return.

Xena came, and they undressed and slipped into the water. Gabrielle filled the sponge with soap, then went and put the cake on a rock so it would not be lost.

Gabrielle moved close to Xena. She had just submerged herself and come up, pushing her hair back and the water off her face. She caught Gabrielle's look and unthinkingly reached out her hands. Gabrielle took one hand and opened it. She washed it, gently. She was breaking with their routine, and Xena stood accepting her lead. She moved as if compelled by some need.

Xena watched their touching hands closely, feeling the ache in her chest. Gabrielle worked her way up the arm, and it seemed to set a fire under her skin. Gabrielle looked to Xena's face in the moonlight. Her lips were parted slightly, her brow furrowed, the look soft and open.

Gabrielle continued on in her task. She made a gentle sniff. Her face was in shadow, and Xena moved in the water to turn her slightly into the moonlight. She was crying. Her hands had come to Xena's shoulder, running over her collarbones and throat. Xena realized then what it was Gabrielle was doing… washing her body. As she had for burial.

Xena watched now Gabrielle's illuminated face. She could see the pain she was reliving and replacing there. Gabrielle was healing herself, pressing away a memory of death and trauma with a living one, creating a new ritual. The wisdom of her friend filled Xena with awe. She had her own instinct, which ran as deep and intuitive as Xena's own, yet on a different course, discovering, inventing things Xena would not have in a lifetime. Xena felt if she'd had half Gabrielle's instinct for tenderness she never would have ended up on the path her life had taken, never caused so much pain.

She stood transfixed, watching her friend's expression, feeling her hands wash over her. _How can I tolerate such love? _Xena thought. Her heart seemed to quaver, as if fearing it's own death. She had not been touched with love in so long, and so little in life, it seemed it might send her fleeing, like a deer startled upon imagining the coming of a great hunt. She would have to learn again what it was to be brave. This was her new purpose, she realized, her new quest.

When she made her way down Xena's other arm to her hand, Gabrielle felt how Xena's hand trembled. _She's still weak_, she thought, and felt a protective fierceness flare in her chest. She dipped the hand in the water, cleansing it, then kissed the palm and held it to her cheek.

Xena came close then. Rather than drawing Gabrielle into the familiar embrace, she repeated the one moment in which Gabrielle had lost her fear in the past days, bringing her lips down to hers in a kiss.

She stayed long. And this time there was no disruption. That soft kiss became another and another, each prolonged and broken only by a moment. Gabrielle lost her sense of time as they stood in the water. When they finally stopped, Gabrielle felt in her breath how the intimacy of the gesture had made her shake.

At last Xena's arms came around her, and Gabrielle felt the living body of her friend, strong and whole again, pressed against hers, real and undeniable. She held Xena hard, and the embrace was returned. They both were trembling, but there was enough strength between them that Gabrielle felt no fear.

They slept that night without bothering to build a fire or even dress. Unpacking their bedrolls and blankets and piling them together, they lay beside one another just under the outcropping of rock. Xena put her sword near them, ever vigilant, and Gabrielle went and brought her staff to her own side.

She lay next to Xena, still vividly awake, despite the lateness of the hour and the exhaustion she felt in her body. Xena lay next to her also awake, giving signs of exhaustion, as well. Gabrielle moved to place her head on her friend's shoulder, receiving Xena's arm about her. She let her arm lay across Xena's stomach, worrying a moment at the injuries she knew had been caused there. She felt the steady rise and fall of the ribs against her forearm, unbroken, the breath unharried. There was a time the idea of such a gentle touch harming Xena would have been hilarious, but that time was past. She closed her eyes and focused long on that breath, on feeling its wholeness.

Warmth built between their bodies until Gabrielle fell asleep.

Gabrielle felt her mind shifting into consciousness, out of sleep, like a body rising slowly out of water. Faint light touched everything around her revealing sand and stone and blankets in faint grey. Her mind and body felt exposed, fragile – the feel of having awakened too early in the dawn. A pain grew in her chest, slipping in like the terror of watching a silent thief enter one's home, leaving her helpless with her breath caught. _Xena is dead_, she thought, clear and hard, a statement of fact. But there was a body next to her, and she turned. Xena was there, asleep.

She lay letting her heart slow and her breath come back. Gabrielle tracked the now familiar pain the rush of adrenaline caused, as it turned in her stomach then sent streaks of pain down her legs as it faded away. She reached out to feel the soft flutter of Xena's breath against her fingertips and touched her breastbone to feel the easy rise and fall of her chest. She felt then the pain of joy, like a fine bell, notes ringing deeper than bone, at finding her friend there, alive and healed. She felt her heart seem to swell, enlarging to embrace this moment. The feeling was familiar for Gabrielle, especially since she had found Xena. It was one that reminded her of who she was, of her purpose in life.

She smiled softly to herself. How many days will it take, she wondered. After so many days of carrying Xena's body, first shattered and lost in pain, then enclosed and silent, she woke each day to the dread task of accepting the reality. It may have become natural to her mind during the day, the inevitable outcome of their quest. But it would take time to get it into her body, the knowledge. She felt sure she would awake like this many times. As many times as it took to really learn again that Xena was there. That death was unmade.

She could hear still the moans, almost like whimpers and so unlike her stoic friend, that Xena unknowingly uttered when Gabrielle moved her as she drew too near to consciousness to keep out pain. With this thought, she closed her eyes, and gripped protectively at Xena's shoulder, bringing her awake. Xena turned at once onto her side, taking Gabrielle's hand, then putting her arms about her. She ran her hand over Gabrielle's hair, pressing it to her back.

Gabrielle felt in her stomach growl and realized how hungry she was, explaining some small part of how fragile she was. They had not eaten since the day before when they feasted into the afternoon with the Amazons. She felt tired, also, from the night before. This brought back the memory of the tenderness they shared, of touching Xena's body in the moonlight, and the soft, lingering kisses Xena gave her before they left the water. She felt a knot in her throat and hugged her friend close as she swallowed against it, pushing her face into the curve of Xena's neck and shoulder. The strong arms tightened around her in response.

They moved slowly that day. Gabrielle did not even try to keep from staring at Xena. She felt compelled to understand how her friend was changed by their ordeal. _By dying_, she thought. It was already beginning to seem strange. The change was hard to pinpoint, to describe, until she realized how Xena moved differently, slower, more relaxed. She was still constantly vigilant, eyes scanning, body prepared for a fight, and it seemed her strength was there just under the surface, ready to erupt. But there was some urgency, some driven quality that had left Xena. Her "dreadful efficiency" is gone, Gabrielle realized, and it brought a smile and a laugh to her lips.

"What?" Xena said, already smiling fully at her friend's laugh.

It was one of the frictions that had become an ongoing joke between them. Xena's energy and relentlessness, her driven focus, often inspired and awed Gabrielle, but at times she could seem heartless and unmoored, compelled to constant motion. Gabrielle's complaints that they did not stay long enough in town, or that Xena would wolf down her food without seeming to taste it, mere seconds to the many minutes it took to prepare it, seemed to perplex and annoy Xena. Gabrielle noticed then how it was a quality that affected her whole life, noticing Xena's brief observation of spectacles of such natural beauty – a rainbow or rust-colored moon, a hawk's flight as it swooped low overheard – that would end promptly as she charged forward on her purpose, how she would stay awake until exhausted and fall into a dead sleep, then rise early every day, never lingering in bed, how she could never stop. When once she convinced her to attend a play, Gabrielle had watched Xena shift, agitated, trying to tolerate the experience. It was like bringing a wolf to a religious ritual, Gabrielle had thought watching her. Gabrielle had learned to take space from Xena, parting from her often for a time, so that she could keep life at her own pace. And Xena had accepted this and stopped urging Gabrielle to let her get her horse or to stay focused, recognizing her friend was different than herself.

It seemed that Xena might keep more her pace now. Gabrielle looked at her friend's smiling face, vivid and real as a moment of absolute clarity, the kind that burns itself into the mind and remains untarnished despite the passing of years.

"I'm just laughing," she said, "Just happy." She knew Xena could tell there was a thought she wasn't sharing but she merely smiled, enjoying the moment without pursuit.

All day, Gabrielle continued her observations. She is different, she realized with absolute certainty, watching Xena look out over the river, standing still, Argo's bridle in her hand. And I am changed, as well.

She tried to feel what was that was new in herself. She recognized that her own body was being held different, the same way she noticed in watching Xena. It seemed she'd grown taller or more solid somehow, she walked with a confidence, a sort of peace in itself. When they stood next to one another, Xena seemed the same height, yet it felt as if she had been drawn closer and no longer towered over Gabrielle. She seems still larger than life, but I don't feel so small, Gabrielle realized. She had a glimpse of her life if Xena were gone. A life still far away from Potedia. She would never go back to what she left, and the thought left her feeling free, relieved and clear. And she had brought her friend back, against all odds. This is what she's been trying to tell me about myself all along, Gabrielle realized. She looked at Xena, and her eyes welled as she recognized the love of her friend. How true it is, she thought, and her hand strayed to her own chest.

Both women passed the day quiet in one another's company, near to overwhelmed with gratitude.

That night, Xena came back to the campfire, already bathed. They sat and ate the food Gabrielle had prepared.

"I'll finish this," Xena said, taking charge of the cleaning, giving Gabrielle a chance to go down to the water herself.

Gabrielle bathed without rushing, and watched the sun set over the water.

When she returned, she found Xena by the fire, focused on sharpening her sword.

"I thought you said we'd be safe along this valley," Gabrielle said.

"We are. King Tinus is a good ruler. His kingdom is well protected. We'll have peace for a few days, at least, here along the river," Xena said. "It'll make for a nice change." She shared a look with Gabrielle at this before bringing her eyes back to her sword.

Gabrielle came closer to the fire, sitting away from Xena. Thoughts of the dreaded efficiency flashed across her mind without much humor now. Xena is coming back to herself, she thought, but it felt a worry.

"You're sharpening your sword," she said.

Xena smiled, obviously embarrassed.

"Old habits," she said. "I guess they're the most comfortable."

There was a long silence in which both women looked away from one another, yet were painfully aware they held one another's full attention. Gabrielle wondered a moment what was happening. She felt fear, she realized, but she couldn't say why. Like something was about to be lost.

Xena put her sword down, and Gabrielle felt her heart stir anew with anxiety, as she picked up a gauntlet and started un-working the old string to replace it. Constant motion, Gabrielle thought.

"Xena," Gabrielle said, her voice heavy. Xena responded to her tone, looking to her more open and focused, already concerned. Gabrielle felt unsure a moment what she meant to say. Then she started. "They say when you die, the dead can hear your thoughts."

"Yes," Xena said.

"So you heard my thoughts," she said.

"Yes, I heard them," Xena said. Her tone gave away nothing, but she kept Gabrielle's look. Her look seemed open but was unreadable. Gabrielle studied her. Her brows were drawn together, but the look was not quite worry. She felt a sudden desperation to know what her friend was thinking, and she calmed herself, curious at her own strange emotions. Gabrielle turned to the fire, her own brow furrowing now.

She was almost startled when Xena began to speak. She had not expected a response, yet Xena's tone seemed to be following a line of questioning.

"You said that, when I was inside you, you felt what it was like to be me," Xena said.

"I did. I told you what it was like," Gabrielle said, remembering feeling annoyed at Xena's response. She'd realized then they were still with strangers. This was the kind of conversation they could have only in private. Xena was too guarded with others, she'd never reveal her true feelings. Xena was silent for a long time, so Gabrielle added, "You talked to Autolycus," thinking of Xena's trust for the man, "He got to be you, as well. What did he say?"

"It wasn't the same," Xena said. "He let me see him, parts of himself he keeps hidden. So I know what you mean."

"But he didn't see what I saw? He didn't get to feel you?" Gabrielle asked, confused. Xena's focus strayed oddly to the gauntlet, stirring up her restlessness, and she stripped out the old string.

"Gabrielle, what you felt, the warmth you said… that love," she softened at this, Gabrielle noticed, "That was me, you're right. And that is how I feel, now, about humanity. About what I'm here to do." Xena's look darkened.

"The things I saw… crossing over," Gabrielle felt fear tight in her throat and the hair seem to raise on the back of her neck as Xena's words brushed this subject, "They were shadows of a life before. It was a life I lived for death," Xena's look was filled with such remorse at this, Gabrielle felt a flicker of recognition, the start of some epiphany about her friend, one that did not yet fully form. "I came back to live a different life," Xena finished.

"You came back to live out a side of you that's always been there. It was just covered up for a time," Gabrielle said. Xena kept looked at Gabrielle, her face full of such feeling, Gabrielle felt her own throat constrict.

"Yes," she said, "But those feelings… they weren't just for humanity. They were for you. It was your thoughts I heard on the other side that changed me. Your love that brought me back." A long silence passed between them in which Xena's eyes glanced to Gabrielle's mouth, as if waiting for her to speak.

They held one another's look for a long moment before Xena broke it. Xena turned suddenly, distracted and without much energy, to rethread the new string.

Gabrielle, who sat still looking at her, got up. Xena turned her face up as she drew near, her guard barely rising and replaced at once with extreme vulnerability. She watched Gabrielle as she had the night before, in the water, looking to her lead. Gabrielle knelt in front of her friend. Xena glanced to her mouth once more, though it was clear no more words would be spoken. Gabrielle reached, slow and calm, and unhooked one side of Xena's armor.

Xena's eyes were fixed on Gabrielle's hands, and her eyebrows lifted, her lips parting again. But she simply watched as Gabrielle reached to the second hook. Gabrielle slowed, growing hesitant, and Xena turned her body to allow this. She undid the hook in her fingers and removed the breastplate of Xena's armor. Gabrielle pressed Xena's shoulders, so she would lean back. Xena set the gauntlet aside, her hand trembling visibly, before she let her hands down behind her, bracing her weight. Her eyes were nearly closed and avoided Gabrielle's. So Gabrielle touched her, running her fingers over Xena's collarbones, her throat, her shoulders, the leather covering her sides. She swallowed hard and leaned in to kiss the base of Xena's throat, feeling Xena's breath stop there and her head sink back more.

When she took her lips away and leaned up, Xena brought her face forward again and met her gaze. Gabrielle could see her eyes were heavy, filled with a tenderness that was new between them. But Xena's lips were parted and her brows furrowed again in this new look, one of fear and inhibition.

"This doesn't have to change anything," Gabrielle said, running her hands over Xena's shoulders.

"It'll change me," Xena said.

They kissed.

After a long time, Gabrielle realized how Xena had sunken back over her arms and how hard the position must be to hold. She could sense from the solidness of her body that Xena's strength had not even begun to waver. My strong friend, she thought, running her hand up the middle of Xena's beautiful chest. As if in response to her thought, she felt Xena's chest quiver. She pushed the straps off her friend's shoulders, and then removed her clothing entirely.

Gabrielle got up then and brought their bedding over. She slipped out of her own clothes, and Xena stepped near as she did. They lay next to one another on their sides. Gabrielle entwined Xena's fingers in her own. Xena met her gaze easily now, showing that same mix of love and fear. They both drew close this time to kiss again. Gabrielle felt Xena's breath rush against her mouth before she felt her lips, the soft warmth of them drawing all her senses there.

Gabrielle put her arm around Xena, pressing her hand into her back. Xena's back moved under her touch like a drawn bow. Gabrielle felt first a jolt of energy moving down from her stomach between her legs, then the steady breath of her friend, deepened as if she'd been running. The unfamiliar feel of intense passion combined with familiar feel of Xena near her and the trust between them moved her more deeply than she had known possible. She was almost breathless as they kissed. Their lips parted and Xena's tongue touched her own for the first time. She touched Xena's face with her fingertips, feeling her smooth cheek and the strong line of her jaw. Xena's arm had come around her and drawn her closer.

Gabrielle's thoughts strayed a moment… to Perdicus. She remembered the feel of their familiarity, him coming to her out of the past, choosing to be with him. Her heart beating wildly the night of their wedding, when he removed her dress. She remembered the feel of her hands on his back, cool sweat on his warm skin, his breath heavy. She remembered the moment when he found ecstasy on top of her. Her eyes open, she saw his face, his eyes closed and lips parted as he moaned, before he lay forward, and both the tenderness of what she'd witnessed, what she'd been a part of, and the pain of feeling it had not been shared grew in her chest. She believed so in his love for her, she focused all her thought on it. She had consigned herself to a life of pleasing another, but fate had a different plan.

Xena seemed to sense Gabrielle's distance as she strayed into these thoughts. She drew away, looking at her.

Gabrielle touched her own mouth. Then she reached down between them. She put her hand between Xena's thighs, which parted at the slightest touch. As she touched her, Xena's eyes grew heavy and her lips parted. It seemed Gabrielle could feel the touch in her own body, causing her legs to press together. She felt a sort of amazement watching Xena's response, her own mouth opening then smiling. Xena gave a soft moan and her back arched, which drew her away from Gabrielle. Gabrielle came up onto her elbow so that she could lean in to kiss Xena again. She urged her onto her back, her dark hair slipping off her shoulders onto the blanket.

She looked over Xena's body, stretched out under her, seeming incredibly exposed, noticing how it quaked within the disciplined movement of her deep breaths. She glanced at her own hand, touching her so intimately. She had seen Xena's body many times before, but now it was open and willing to be touched. Gabrielle felt a knot of love and desire in her own chest and was astonished by how comfortable she felt in such passion with her friend. She shifted the arm she was braced on to touch Xena's breast, gently running her fingertips over her nipple. In response, Xena leaned forward, her eyebrows coming together sharply, then her head fell back. After a time, she leaned forward again to see Gabrielle touching her. She looked up again into Gabrielle's eyes, and all fear was gone now, replaced with an incredible depth of pleasure mingling with desire. The look seemed to set Gabrielle on fire. Gabrielle kissed her, Xena, a deep and uninhibited kiss that astonished even herself. Xena's hands came to back of Gabrielle's head, drawing her into more deep kisses. Then Gabrielle broke their kiss and put her mouth to her breast.

Xena began to cry out at this, her body becoming at once yielded and tense, holding onto Gabrielle with restraint as she was shaken by pleasure. She gasped, audibly, coming to its height. When it passed, rather than losing energy, she leaned forward again, still gasping, pressing her forehead to Gabrielle's shoulder. Her body still shook.

She fell back again, her body still moving and her breath drawing in deeply, to Gabrielle's amazement. It seemed the release had only increased her feeling, and she became more audible and trembled with pleasure. She built again to another, deeper shudder.

Gabrielle brought herself over Xena, who drew her into an embrace and now all their kisses were deep and grew practically fierce. Xena was brought to another shuddering climax, breaking her mouth away to gasp. Gabrielle held Xena hard. Each peak seemed different than that last, and this one seemed to linger and shudder her whole being. Xena was still responding, but she seemed driven nearly wild now by Gabrielle's touch. They were practically wrestling in their embrace, Xena holding Gabrielle's arms and pushing her away to draw in her breath, yet keeping her close.

Her hand strayed to the middle of Xena's chest, resting there, and Gabrielle felt herself yielding then, to Xena's embrace. Her hold, in response, became tender, as she let Gabrielle sink down against her.

After a time, she turned them, bringing herself over Gabrielle. Xena held herself up on one arm. She looked over Gabrielle's body, so familiar and yet new, altered by desire. Her arms had fallen back, her legs lay open, and she looked up, her own eyes heavy, with her lips parted. There was a reddened flush to her body, not only on her cheeks but all along her skin. Xena's heart beat such that she felt tremors from its strikes shake in her ribs. She closed and opened her hand, consumed with the thought of touching her friend.

Her expression was uneasy, and Gabrielle felt her own heart beating hard. Gabrielle touched Xena's face. Xena took her hand and kissed it. She swallowed and touched Gabrielle's face.

"Don't let me hurt you," she said.

Gabrielle brought her other hand to Xena's face and held it a long moment.

She put her arms about Xena's shoulders, and Xena took her into her arms. The one safe place, Gabrielle had often thought, in all the world. She could feel Xena's strength, under the surface, in the muscles beneath her skin that bore her own weight with such ease.

Xena turned to kiss Gabrielle's cheek, and in the gentle ease of her movement, Gabrielle knew in some way beyond mere thought that she was fully healed. She felt relief and happiness wash over her, and she felt herself then sink into the present moment, where passion was making them unsure. The hold was so familiar. She felt handed over to Xena entirely, more so even than in those times of danger Xena had held Gabrielle's life in her hands, as she had many times.

She brought Xena's face up to look into her eye, and kissed her, certain that her confidence would be conveyed without words. Xena responded to this at once. She moved into a state new and yet familiar to Gabrielle where she seemed driven entirely by instinct, as in a fight. It was as if her desire came up from deep inside and burst forth with a soft quietness like the arrival of so many seeds in the first rush of spring. Xena held and touched her body knowingly, now, with a touch that was strong, yet gentle. Gabrielle felt herself responding to this change, altered in kind, rapidly growing into state where she felt near drunk with passion.

When Xena's hand slid between Gabrielle's legs, Gabrielle felt her heart pound wildly. Her touch was firm yet equally tender, seeming to know what was felt where it touched. Gabrielle swallowed down a catch in her breath that hurt her throat. Xena kissed her breasts, bringing a hand under her to hold her up when her back arched. Gabrielle closed her eyes and tried to surrender, overcome by a feeling in her chest like it was falling open.

Xena slid a finger inside. Gabrielle gasped in their kiss and felt the skin on her face and chest burn, as they both grew still. She hid her face in the curve of Xena's shoulder. Xena turned their faces and kissed her now exposed throat. The feel of Xena's hand was entirely unlike what Gabrielle had felt before. She found no pain under her touch and instead seemed to lose all other thought, drawn into a complete focus on pleasure as a sort of trance. Xena found immediately the most sensitive and responsive places, moving her hand to press forward and another finger in to press more fully, then turning to hand to press gently down and slide against her body. Gabrielle gasped and held hard to Xena, nearly struggling in their embrace, as she responded to her touch.

Xena seemed to understand her nearly desperate response, holding her harder. She was relentless, lost in total focus, wanting to build Gabrielle's pleasure to its height. Gabrielle was willing to follow her anywhere. Gabrielle was too awash now in passion to feel any shame, and Xena, sensing this, brought her mouth down to lick Gabrielle as her fingers moved inside her, establishing longer and deeper strokes. When Gabrielle thought she could not take anymore, Xena brought her hand up to reach across and touch both her nipples with thumb and fingers. Her arm applied a gentle pressure that helped hold Gabrielle and allow her to tolerate the sensations. Gabrielle came quickly and almost violently, to climax, which instead of dropping off sharply, as she anticipated from experience alone, broke out in wave upon wave, coursing through her body and setting her to shudder until her mind felt entirely consumed with it.

She became aware again of herself and of Xena, who was holding her with a hand under her arched back. Gabrielle heard a soft moan from Xena as the last of her own response dissipated, and the sound sent a rush of flame and a shudder coursing up her own body. As Gabrielle's body released and her breath rushed into her again, she felt Xena's hand move to hold her side, and felt herself become unbearably exhausted. She could feel how tender her breasts were from the touch, and the rest of her body still pulsed. She could hear their cries echoing in her mind, becoming fully conscious of them only now.

She brought her arms up to her face and hid her eyes in the crook of her elbow. She tried to steady her breath, which seemed shaken. She felt a rush of emotion rise in her that found no resistance in her broken chest. She was shocked to find herself suddenly weeping. She brought her hands to cover her face, embarrassed, then dared a look at Xena.

Xena had been kissing her gently, trying to draw out the last, calming moments of pleasure, and slowly bringing her fingers away, as she looked up and saw this shift take place. She brought her face up, her mouth still open. Her eyes showed surprise and then worry.

She brought her body up along Gabrielle's and urged her hands away with the lightest touch. Gabrielle complied, gathering her arms to her chest, and tried to hold Xena's look. Xena's face held sympathy and a deep concern. One of the soft, lingering kisses of the water returned to them now. Gabrielle's embarrassment faded and she wept openly, as Xena took her into an embrace, still strong but now much more tender.

"It's alright," Xena said, an attempt to comfort without certainty of the pain. She pushed the tears away from her face.

"I lost you," Gabrielle said, her voice broken. Xena's body seemed to sink with comfort, as she realized this was about the weeks before, and not about what was happening now. She touched Gabrielle's her face now with more confidence, giving a soft smile.

"I'm here now," she said. She kissed her and said, "I'm here with you now."

Gabrielle awoke slowly, to a bright morning. She felt at first a heavy veil of sleep over her and a vague, surprised concern to awaken so late. Just as she began to turn from her side onto her back, her thoughts awoke more, and she had the familiar flash of fear and emptiness realizing Xena was gone and swiftly washing over it, a memory of the night before. The memory brought on a feeling like intense sun sinking into her skin. She turned to see Xena, lying next to her, with her naked shoulder and part of her chest showing above the line of the blanket. She was still asleep on her side, her face incredibly serene. Gabrielle's chest grew so full, it was pain.

Xena, feeling her gaze even through her sleep, awoke. She moved her head once, blinking slowly, before she saw Gabrielle. She's coming back to herself, Gabrielle realized. Xena's face softened and she smiled, and Gabrielle's realization became a joy. Xena touched the hand Gabrielle held at her own chest tentatively, before she drew them into an embrace. She ran her hand over Gabrielle's side, and they both smiled when she shivered. The awoke into the day, finding they were more familiar and confident now than they had ever been.

They passed another gentle day along the water, making no attempt at haste. They made camp early, and when their dinner was done, Xena brought their bed rolls out, placing them together. Gabrielle came at once to lie next to her, touching her side along the way. Both noticed the other's excitement and were openly pleased by it.

They were quiet together as the sun set. Xena lay looking up into the stars, and Gabrielle studying the fire. Gabrielle took Xena's hand, their fingers entwining, and they shared a shy sort of smile, before Gabrielle kissed the back of her hand.

"You're different than I thought you'd be. As a lover," Gabrielle said, the last part quite soft and shy.

"Is it a disappointment?" Xena asked, also soft but without emotion. Gabrielle laughed, gently but deeply. "A lot of encounters are," Xena said. Gabrielle had put a hand over her face in her laughter, and she shook her head. Instead of answering she leaned in to kiss Xena several long kisses. When she drew away, Xena was no longer guarded.

"You aren't," she said, definitively, her tone part jest that Xena should know more about herself from the past. Xena gave a half smile at being ribbed, but didn't lose her serious mood.

"Different how?" Xena asked.

"I don't know, you're just… so soft. So open."

"Soft?" Xena said, in a tone of slight surprise. "So not too rough?" It was clear that some worry was being assuaged. Gabrielle was lying on her stomach, up on her elbows. She shook her head again, rubbing her face in her arms.

"I like being one of the few people that get to see both sides of you," Gabrielle said. Xena smiled. After a time, they drew closer to kiss again. Between their kisses, their mouths close, Xena spoke.

"Well, you can have me any way you want me. You bring out so many sides of me. I'll be as gentle as a lamb, if it's what you want." Gabrielle shook her head, biting her lip.

"No," she said, smiling, "You're my warrior."

Xena grinned, as Gabrielle hid her face on Xena's arm before coming up to kiss more.

**THE END (Of this beginning.)**


End file.
